Back to School? Words of Wisdom from Dr. Melissa Fiorito-Grafman

The simple punctuation at the end of that phrase says it all. At a time when we are usually feeling excited (!), it has now been replaced with uncertainty (?).

Usually, new backpacks, updated sneakers and fresh school supplies fuel the anticipation. We are hopeful and excited for the first day of school!

But this year, as with so many areas of our lives, we are fearful and anxious. For many, there are no classrooms to attend which require a backpack, no need for sneakers to wear to Gym class and the only real supply necessary is a laptop computer. 

I feel disappointed and saddened by this current reality, yet, I yearn for that “Back to School” buzz. I still want my girls to get excited about school and learning (whatever that may inevitably look like). So, how do I accomplish this, with my own set of fears and concerns in the way?

I turned to the experts. 

Dr. Melissa Fiorito Grafman, Ph. D., Owner of the Center for Neuropsychology & Psychotherapy, LLC, in Ridgewood, NJ, offers some insight on how to best approach this unsettling start to the school year.

· What can we do/say to get our children enthusiastic about virtual learning? 

While the thought of virtual learning has some parents and students feeling a mixture of emotions, albeit disappointed, anxious or overwhelmed, it is important to keep developmentally appropriate communication and dialogue open with our children. In my practice, I find that parents and children struggle most often when they feel helpless or a loss of control. Thus, while it may be challenging for some children to feel “enthusiastic” about virtual learning, what may be helpful is giving them a sense of reclaiming some control over the situation. It can be as easy as having them be involved with creating their own space at home where virtual learning will occur, getting creative with supplies and personalizing the space. Have them be a part of creating their virtual learning schedule and choosing how they will spend their free time. The goal is to plug them into the conversation and allow them to be heard but also a part of the preparation and solution. 

· How can working parents harness their frustrations into a positive plan for at-home learning? 

As a working parent, I can tell you this is a tough question to answer and one that I struggled with a lot in the spring. I think it is important that parents create clear guidelines and reasonable expectations of what it will mean to balance work and home learning. Sometimes the frustrations we experience is self-inflicted in that we (as parents) place so much pressure on ourselves to begin with. The added stress of home learning may spawn even more unrealistic expectations for working moms and dads who already feel pushed to their limits. I say, be true and kind to yourself, be reasonable with your expectations on how to balance work and home and cut yourself some slack.  

· Are there helpful strategies for children, and adults, alike, to help ease anxieties around returning to classrooms and schools in person? 

Try to prepare by accessing videos or pictures of what the classrooms will look like. Some districts have provided this to their communities, which has been very helpful. Review with your child the pros and cons of returning to school and, again, it is all about communication. It is about putting it out there and having an honest and developmentally appropriate conversation with your children. As parents, we need to be mindful that we are not projecting our own anxieties and fears onto our children beyond what they are capable of handling. Ask them what is important to them, and allow them to be heard, even if you don’t agree. Allowing the space for them to feel a part of the conversation can be quite rewarding for both the parent and child.    

Thank you, to Dr. Fiorito-Grafman, and I wish you all the most peaceful and plentiful start you can muster this very unique school year.