You Just Gotta Believe
Ted Lasso is surely onto something.
The power of belief - especially in yourself and your abilities - is a game changer.
No one has illustrated this more for me lately than Denise Coulter and Fran Goldfarb.
Morning after morning this past month, I have driven past them with a wave as they jog together. It caught my attention not only because I was so impressed with their dedication, but because I distinctly remember both ladies telling me “I’m not a runner”. Hmmmm...yet here they are, running several mornings a week. I was intrigued.
Since my coaching practices is deeply rooted in belief and identity change, I had to catch up with Denise and Fran to confirm my suspicion that they had discovered this transformative notion.
“I was never a runner. In fact, I often said, ‘I can’t run!’” Denise told me. “Even as a young child, I would walk the mile in gym class. Something changed around the time I turned 35. I decided I wanted to be able to run. I started off slowly...walking, then walking and running, and finally made it to being able to sustain a 30-minute run.
After a few ‘off’ years, I began to run again during the quarantine. I had to train myself to run again. It’s not something that happened overnight. It takes time and patience. For me, running never gets easier. It’s always a mental and physical strain, but well worth it when I cross that finish line!” Denise said.
“Running makes me feel strong, both mentally and physically. I don’t give up when it gets hard and that’s a proud feeling. Now I’m more confident doing hard things and I’m able to teach my children that doing hard things pays off. I never want my girls to say, ‘I can’t run’. So many people say that and it’s just not true!”
Fran’s story is quite similar.
“I was never a runner. I loved to walk, work out with trainers, take a class at a gym…but I avoided running. I always hated it because it didn’t come naturally, and I was VERY slow. I started talking to my friend Denise about it. She shared how she was never “a runner” but started slow and now she can do it. I nonchalantly mentioned trying to run with her one day. I think deep down I always wanted to see if I could do it but had no idea where to start.” Fran said Denise jumped on the idea and the pair laced up the following morning.
“Of course, I panicked! But I showed up and we ran.” Fran and Denise consistently run 2-3 days a week, sometimes with another running partner, Lorraine. They primarily stick to the Harrington Park 5K route since they know it well and have the time mapped out.
It’s important to note that any forward progress or change does not come without resistance. Fran learned this firsthand.
“I was trying to build up my stamina and I had to get over my mental hurdle. I had been telling myself consciously, and obviously unconsciously, for years that I couldn’t run. I had to undo all that negativity. Denise was so patient and encouraging and I truly appreciated the days when she knew I was getting frustrated with the process, and we just walked and talked about it. It was difficult for me to run up hills. I couldn’t control my breathing at times, and I definitely couldn’t have a conversation when I was running, so I had to work through all of those issues.”
Denise and Fran ran the Harrington Park “unofficial” pandemic 5K last year. This was a pivotal moment for Fran, especially.
“It was the first time in my life (I’m 47) that I ran 3.2 miles without stopping. I cannot tell you how proud I was of myself.”
Both Fran and Denise will admit that they still struggle some days. But that doesn’t mean they give up. They simply find ways to forge ahead. According to Fran, “Denise implemented a new system where we walk for 5 minutes and run for 5 minutes. I was skeptical but Denise said, ‘Fran, you can do anything for 5 minutes.’ And now I use that mantra in various areas of my life! Like if I must go through a pile of stuff that accumulated, and I don’t really feel like it! So, this new 5-5 system is great!”
I asked Denise and Fran to share some final words of wisdom.
Denise’s mindset is one of progress, NOT perfection. “Set your goal,” Denise says. “There are going to be some ups and downs and hard days. Don’t be hard on yourself. One day your feet might hurt but push through best you can. Start slow and build up to a pace and time that you feel comfortable. I’m not setting out to run a marathon, I’m just satisfied to know I CAN run! That’s a good feeling.”
For Fran, accountability is key. “It doesn’t matter how tired, sore or unmotivated I am. I refuse to cancel on my running partners.” Fran also sees how this new habit has positively impacted so many areas of her life. “I love that my daughter sees that I set a goal for myself and went for it. Some days are not easy, but I always get up and try. I push myself further and further every day. And a bonus, that I love, is running has strengthened my friendships.”