It’s OK to Not Be Ok

Radical honesty warning.

As I am writing this, I’m really not ok.

I am in a paralyzing state of anxiety. Everything is just feeling too much and I find myself starting to shut down.

But I’m showing up on this page for the moment, because I feel compelled. To be the writer or coach or wife or mother I want to be, I feel called to be fully transparent and vulnerable, showing you all the parts of me.  And today...the part that struggles with mental health has front and center stage.

For those who might think mental health is a buzzword or a cop out, and that people can just “suck it up” or “shake it off” - I can assure you, it is every bit as REAL and serious as any physical disorder. And it can be debilitating. 

What makes coping with anxiety and depression additionally challenging is the many layers.

First is the struggle to even know what to do next when you feel completely overwhelmed by fear and sadness (or often “nothingness”). And because of this, there’s the feeling that you are going crazy for actually feeling this way. 

Secondly, those around you who have not experienced mental illness may not understand what you’re going through, leading to feelings of isolation. 

Next up is good ol’ shame for being “this way” and questioning why you can’t just function “normally” like “everyone else”. 

Finnally, the guilt. When it takes all of your energy to make it through the day, you don’t have much left for the things you need to do and the people you need to care for. Cue the  guilt for letting them down...only adding fuel to the fire of anxiety.

And if you are a perfectionist, like me, it only multiples and intensifies every emotion above. When you are conditioned to show the world how steady you are all the time, no one sees the turbulence beneath the surface.

I wish I could tell you I sat down to write this blog post because I can offer you all the solutions...but I don’t.

But what I do have is this...

1- Find a professional therapist or psychologist with whom you have good rapport and connection. This might take some time, but the search is worth it. Ask around for recommendations.

2- Focus on one minute, one hour at a time, one day at a time. 

3- Surround yourself with those who love you unconditionally and make you feel safe and loved. 

4- Remember that it’s ok to shut down for a bit. Release the pressure to get it all done. The work, house, activities, etc. will all survive.

I believe we are all perfectly imperfect, and I thank you for letting me share my imperfections openly here. I also appreciate your patience if I’m quieter than usual for a bit. But I’ll be back...with lots of peace and plenty.

With gratitude,