Redefining The Good Girl

For as long as I can remember, I have always been the good girl. 

In grade school, I landed the solo in the concert, starred as the lead in the play and was consistently chosen to read my writing aloud as a model for my classmates. I went to church every week and served as a dutiful altar server. I was a Girl Scout, took etiquette class and followed the rules. These were the ways I made my parents, grandparents, teachers and God proud. 

This was how to be a good girl. 

As an adult, I translated those behaviors into my new roles: Good teacher, good wife, good mother, good friend, good neighbor.  

This meant...work endless hours on lesson plans, keep an organized and clean house, cook nightly healthy meals, take the family to church, answer phone calls and texts in a timely manner, send gifts and volunteer for every committee. 

Dress the girls impeccably, plan the family vacation itineraries by the hour and have the weekly balanced meal plan and calendar mapped out every day (and naturally, check off all tasks that must be perfectly executed). 

And ESPECIALLY - do not ever disappoint or let anyone down. They depend on you. Show up for everyone.

Except...yourself.

I have decided that my archaic definition of the good girl needs some revision.

 It needs to be revised to better serve myself, and in turn, my loved ones. It is high time to relinquish control and release the chokehold I have on every aspect of my life. Time to absolve myself of unrealistic expectations. Time to redefine the good girl.

 As I write this, my closet legitimately has more on the floor than on the hangers and shelves. I’m not really sure if my girls are all awake or ate breakfast. And I have two days of unopened mail and packages sitting in the foyer. 

But I am STILL A GOOD GIRL.

I haven’t used my new Peloton in a week, I Door Dashed Shake Shack yesterday and binge watched the Undoing for hours last night while my girls watched TV and made TikToks. 

But I am STILL A GOOD GIRL.

I have so many sympathy thank you cards yet to write, texts and phone calls to return and I missed mass on Sunday.

But I am STILL A GOOD GIRL.

I have a tattoo, swear more often these days and sometimes write articles and blog posts that are subpar. 

But I am STILL A GOOD GIRL.

Because you see, I have decided that...

 ...the good girl makes her decisions not to seek approval of others or fulfill unrealistic social media images. But rather, she bases them upon her well established personal values, principles and priorities for herself and her family. 

...the good girl is aware that some days she will kick ass and her home and work life will be productive and rewarding. But she accepts that other days will leave her tired and the daily grind will be fruitless and mundane.

...the good girl realizes that sometimes life is painful and screws up our best laid plans (insert Covid, loss, grief…all the unexpected suffering). But though the path and journey may vary from what she envisioned, and may take longer than expected, she now knows that the goal does not have to change.

...the good girl discovers that when she falters, she can bestow the same grace on herself that she so readily gives to others. But she can remain empowered; she has learned that leniency does not equal weakness...grace and empowerment can beautifully co-exist. 

…the good girl appreciates that she can be BOTH humble and kind, as well as confident and strong. But she rejects the notion of guilt for her blessings and gifts and refuses to diminish herself to appease others.

...the good girl respects and welcomes the feelings and opinions of others. But she respects herself enough to set healthy boundaries that serve her (and her family) and is still worthy of love.

All this reformed good girl wants from the one precious life I’ve been gifted is to leave the world just a little bit better than I found it. 

 As a daughter, mom, wife, friend, teacher and coach, my life’s mission is to heal people’s hearts from judgement and self-criticism, and to help them live their truest, most authentic version of themselves.

And the best way I can do that is to start with myself. 

Because THAT is what a good girl should do.